How can you control emotions during conflict?

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1Identify your triggers

One of the first steps to control your emotions during conflict is to recognize what triggers them. Triggers are situations, words, or behaviors that provoke a strong emotional reaction in you, such as anger, fear, hurt, or resentment. Triggers can vary from person to person, depending on your personality, values, beliefs, and past experiences. For example, you might feel triggered when someone criticizes your work, interrupts you, or ignores you. To identify your triggers, you need to pay attention to your body signals, such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, or sweating, and your thoughts, such as blaming, judging, or generalizing. Once you know what triggers you, you can prepare yourself for how to deal with them in a constructive way.

2Pause and breathe

When you are triggered by conflict, your brain activates the fight-or-flight response, which prepares you to react quickly and defensively. However, this can also impair your rational thinking and your ability to listen and empathize with the other person. To avoid saying or doing something you might regret later, you need to pause and breathe before you respond. Pausing and breathing can help you calm down your nervous system, lower your stress levels, and regain your composure. You can use different techniques to pause and breathe, such as counting to ten, taking deep breaths, or repeating a positive affirmation.

3Express your feelings

Controlling your emotions during conflict does not mean suppressing them or pretending they do not exist. On the contrary, it means acknowledging them and expressing them in a healthy and respectful way. Expressing your feelings can help you release the tension, clarify your needs, and connect with the other person. However, expressing your feelings does not mean venting, blaming, or attacking the other person. Instead, it means using "I" statements, such as "I feel frustrated when you do not meet the deadline" or "I feel hurt when you do not listen to me". Using "I" statements can help you take responsibility for your emotions, avoid accusations, and invite dialogue.

4Listen actively

Another key skill to control your emotions during conflict is listening actively to the other person. Listening actively means paying attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and non-verbally, and showing interest and curiosity. Listening actively can help you understand the other person's perspective, feelings, and needs, and reduce the chances of misunderstanding or misinterpreting their message. To listen actively, you need to use some techniques, such as nodding, paraphrasing, asking open-ended questions, and giving feedback.

5Seek solutions

The final step to control your emotions during conflict is to seek solutions that can satisfy both parties and resolve the issue. Seeking solutions means focusing on the future rather than the past, on the common goals rather than the differences, and on the win-win rather than the win-lose outcomes. Seeking solutions also means being flexible, creative, and cooperative, and avoiding rigid, unrealistic, or unfair demands. To seek solutions, you need to use some strategies, such as brainstorming, negotiating, compromising, or collaborating.